„Anxiety is an issue, the fear of recurrence can be triggered by a memory, a smell, a look down the loo to check the pee colour, a painful belly twinge or the sight of the next check up date in the schedule.“ Pink lady in Sint-Niklaas Belgium photo by howlzap Cologne

It‘s  „cancer burnout“ I’ve decided, it’s clear.  I need some expert support. 

What can I do to get it? 

Cancer rehabilitation- is a thing in Germany. I applied and some months later was assigned the beautiful spa town of Bad Nauheim. I arrived on the last day of February for a few weeks of treatment and therapy.

Prior to my arrival and interviews with doctors I  collected all my medical reports (now a large folder of information) and filled in a detailed questionnaire. The main question was:

 „How are you today? What ails you? How does this affect your everyday life and work?“

The aim of  rehabilitation  is to improve overall fitness levels and assess the patient’s ability to work. I spent quite some time on these questions and compiling an overview of my medical history and health. 

In a nutshell: The 6 recurrences, 13 TURBT operations, 55 installations with Mitomycin (13 of them EMDA), 6 BCG installations over 7 years have depleted my physical health and energy progressively. My bladder is completely scarred and painful and needs to empty every 45 -60 mins during the day and 3-5 times at night (more during treatment). I struggle with unpredictable fatigue that feels like heavy weights are dragging me down, but often have trouble sleeping or getting back to sleep after going to the loo.

Anxiety is an issue, the fear of recurrence can be triggered by a memory, a smell, a look down the loo to check the pee colour, a painful belly twinge or the sight of the next check up date in the schedule.  Overall I  feel exhausted,  overwhelmed and unsure how else I can support my system to help me and my bladder recover and become more resilient.

 I’ve always known the importance of my own contributions to my health in diet, exercise, stress management and positive thinking. I know that the sugar free vegan diet I follow as well as the yoga and meditation are giving my body, mind and spirit excellent support. I believe it makes a difference although my personal experience has shown that cancer can return despite these efforts.  I have faith in the BCG treatment I’m having. So many people have had positive experience of remission with it. 

The cancer rehabilitation is supporting my recovery. My  programme is tailor-made with the doctors’ recommendations and my personal preferences. There’s ergonomic training on a stationary bike most days, half hour walks in the park, massage, pelvic floor gymnastics, Qi Gong, Yoga, resilience group ( led by a psycho oncologist) and  lectures on nutrition/ sleep/ exercise / disability/ finances / and recovery strategies. But most importantly there’s time to relax, reset and breathe in between sessions. 

I breathe  6 of the longest deepest breaths I can. 

6 long breaths take about a minute. 

Even just 1 deep breath works wonders.

I tell myself I’m ok

I’m doing the best I can 

I’m enough 

I’m strong and everything is alright.

I’m on the right track!