„As I was woozily coming round I asked how it went and they said “unauffällig ”which translates as “unremarkable “ Looking up at lights – The Graffiti Tunnel in Leake street London Photo by howlzap Cologne

2 weeks ago I was in what my cheerleading friends call my ‚favorite‘ hospital ( it was the 27th stint) and the #13 TURBT. A bladder biopsy to check for tumours and take samples to ascertain how the BCG is working. Why was it remarkable? Everything went as perfectly as I could wish for:

  • The arrival time was set for a Goldilocks 7.30 – not too early not too late
  • The favoured ward with the woods view was allocated
  • The coveted window niche bed was given
  • Hexvix was administered by the friendliest technician
  • The operation was only delayed slightly and I was back in the room at 12.00
  • No perforation was made
  • The nursing team was a familiar and compassionate one

As I was woozily coming round I asked how it went and they said “unauffällig ”which translates as “unremarkable “. That’s exactly what you want to hear. Nothing of note no tumours to be seen despite the hexvix. Apparently the whole bladder lit up but with all my scar tissue and relatively recent BCG that’s to be expected.

Unremarkable suits me just fine.

The pathology came in in a couple of days later, unremarkable for any signs of cancer!!!

Cystitis in 5 of the 7 samples which alarms me but seems unremarkable to my medical team.

All these operations have been training in non attachment Aparigraha as the yogis say. Each time I’ve been here has been a lesson in not being upset when things don’t turn out exactly how I want them to be. That the ward, bed, roomie, operation schedule, vegan menu doesn’t dance to my tune I’m part of a bigger scheme of things. It‘s ok to not always get exactly what I want.

Maybe the frequency of my visits equates with how much  I need the lesson?

Fostering equanimity in these situations and finding value in any outcome isn’t easy,  it‘s practice in letting go  and not  getting upset by changes and irritations.

All the more remarkable that things unfolded so perfectly.

Sometimes you just need to let them.

Don’t interfere just give them space to unfold.

Fingers crossed that my bladder remains unremarkable and you and yours too!