“That ingrained fear of saying the wrong thing:”
Face on the Berlin wall in Berlin – picture by (c) howlzap Cologne

If I‘d had a close friend going through chemo of any sort, I’m sure I’d have worried about what to say or how to support them. That ingrained fear of saying the wrong thing. Actually, now I’m in the position myself I realize it doesn’t matter what you say, it matters that you say something and show up and show support. My nearest and dearest, the ‘cheerleaders’ are brilliant at it and they all do it in their own way. It’s a great comfort to me that as each monthly appointment rolls around the supportive comments start to flow:

„Sending you power already! “

„We’ll be thinking of you.”

„Sending you peaceful and healing vibes.“

„The leprechauns are sending their emerald powers.“

„Hope it goes well.“

„Get lots of rest.“

„Look after yourself.“

The comments are like a cosy blanket that spreads warmth and comfort.

I marvel at the stamina of my friends keeping it up over the last three years, never failing. Their knowledge of my chemo and insight into my routine makes me happy:

„What time is it tomorrow?“


„Excellent not long to wait for tea then!“


„Enjoy the sushi“


„Give me a call when you’re at the tea drinking stage“

Some friends send gifs, videos and pictures that make me laugh. Some pop over on the recovery days for tea and a chat and a hug. Others send a „ How are you?“ text or „Was thinking of you“ text. Or they call. It’s all absolutely fabulous because everyone responds exactly how they are and it’s always just right. It’s like a mirror on our relationship.  A perfect reflection on the depth and intimacy we have.

So, don’t worry about what to say or do for a friend going through chemo just be yourself and show up somehow- it will be perfect and will make a difference.