After the grueling weeks of EMDA chemo I was still fatigued, so I asked my doctor to do bloodwork and vitamin C infusions again. The infusions started kicking in and boosting my energy from about the third one (I had six). Although I have to pay for them privately, they’re well worth it, I would highly recommend them to anyone after surgery or treatment when feeling depleted. Buoyed by the good news of my clear cystoscopy at the end of September, I was ready to enjoy a mini break to Berlin and a few days holiday before starting work. Times are still strange and restricted due to Covid but we were able to enjoy exploring the city and graffiti hunting over an Indian summer weekend.
So, I thought I was really in the pink and October was set to be a happy and rejuvenating month. Until I started back at work. When I booted up my computer, I couldn’t open any documents and we spent several hours rectifying the situation. Two days later it happened again, and I had a complete ‘melt down’ about it. But that’s the question was it really the computer issues that triggered me or underlying issues?
Anyone who’s done any psychology or spiritual work will KNOW it was a classic case of underlying issues. The more I sobbed and sniffed the more I felt the fear of another recurrence and the pressure of ongoing check-ups and treatment and cried and cried and cried. My partner (the star) fixed my computer and me that day. He said he actually felt relieved that it had happened. It seems we can be too well and too strong and too positive sometimes without realizing. Then something happens and it comes flooding out.
Bladder cancer isn’t just for a few months it’s for life and we need to find ways to thrive in and out of the pink!