I’m undergoing six weeks of therapy with EMDA and Mitomycin at the moment. It’s a full-time job having and recovering from treatment. The EMDA allows the Mitomycin to enter more deeply into the bladder lining and combat any cancer there. It knocks me out and creates some spasms, headaches and fatigue. I recover each week in time for the next one.
As well as physically weak I’ve been feeling fearful and emotionally a bit out of sorts lately and have tried to identify why. I’ve tracked the feelings back to spending 24 hours in the hospital every week mainly with patients in severe pain after surgery. It’s not the patients, they’re friendly and welcoming but the ‘future fear’ of my bladder cancer progressing. The fear that I would require major bladder removal surgery hovers like a cloud over my bed and head.
Last week the cloud grew darker during the doctors’ rounds. The head doctor asked how I was and then rather bluntly stated “Well let’s hope the treatment works or we’ll have to remove the bladder.” I was shocked that I was considered just a recurrence away from losing my bladder and could only nod in agreement.
My yoga brain says, “Let it go” and “Release the fear, you’re on the right healing track” but the ‘future fear’ lingers despite meditating on it and grounding myself through yoga. A couple of years ago I watched a film on Louise Hay’s life and healing journey and last week found an online meditation called “Heal your Body” from a book by the same title. This recording is by Louise and even visualizes letting go of a string connected to a dark cloud. Well worth the 30 mins it takes to listen to it I’ve found it extremely helpful recently turning my ‘out of sorts’ back to a more positive mindset. Try it yourself!
Bladdergraffiti 
Hi. I can imagine you are feeling fearful. I hope the treatments work even though I was never given that choice. It had progressed too far when I was diagnosed. I had kidney disease because of too much pain medication for four years prior to the diagnosis of bladder cancer and still wonder if that was a missed opportunity for preventive treatment such as yours. It was determined at the time that it was caused by radiation treatments I had twenty years prior for uterine cancer which resulted in a complete hysterectomy and radiation. So who knows? Even if you do need bladder removal, it’s not a death sentence. You will learn to adjust. I was 69 when I had the bladder removal and now five years later I’m still kicking! Try to keep your sense of humor about all of it. It helps. I’ll be thinking of you and wish you well.🤗
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Thank you 🙏 rugby843 you are so right about keeping a sense of humor and that losing a bladder isn’t a death threat. You’ve had such a challenging time health wise and still have a very robust sense of humor. Thanks for you support 🙏💜
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Any time. I’m here.
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When I was first diagnosed with bladder cancer (10 years this October) and had the turbt and bcg treatments I thought I could do it for 30 years if that was what it would take. BCG wasn’t that effective. Most were high grade non invasive. So for 8+ years I have had mitomycin and turbts to keep it in check. When my husband and I moved to another state I went to a new doctor at a teaching hospital. First thing out of his mouth was “you should consider removing your bladder before it goes into the muscle”. I’m still not ready but I’m working on getting used to the idea. Part of my plan was to travel with my sister, my daughter, my son at different times. But Covid arrived so no travel. When the removal happens I’ll be ready. I was 56 when diagnosed. Now at 66 I know I have many more years to enjoy this life.
I enjoy your blog because it’s comforting to know there are others that have a similar journey as I.
Best,
Carol
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Thank you for your comment Carol and for following. You’re right I find it very comforting to connect with others in a similar position too. I’ve only been in this bladder cancer movie since 2016 so am a relative newbie compared to you. I think if there’s no discomfort and no invasive tumors or other issues it should be ok to continue treatment, stay as healthy as possible and have the odd turbt as and when necessary. All the best to you for many more healthy and happy years 🙏💜
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