Just before the end of 2018 on 28 December, another tumour was sighted during the cystoscopy. We were horrified. I’d narrowly escaped BCG last time with a Ta Grade 1 tumour classification. I felt this time I wasn’t going to be so lucky. It was a depressing way to end the year telling loved ones it was back again. Those are some of the worst memories I have calling my parents and my daughter and telling them “the news”. Heartbreaking. Friends and family were surprised that it had come back (again) and puzzled because I didn’t look sick.
This time I didn’t feel as responsible, I felt more accepting and more confident that things were going to be alright. I felt well and I felt brave. My cancerversary on 13 January was coming up and that felt like the perfect day to start the blog that had been in my head for a while. Being creative kept me present and blew light and love into the cobwebby-depths of the past. If my story could help anybody it was worth posting it. Hence bladdergraffiti was born and it helped me eek out the days to and through the operation. All the likes, comments and follows kept (and keep) me motivated to share. Thank you all for reading.
I felt brave but not as brave as my dear best friend who had decided to donate her kidney to a needy friend. Strangely our operations were within days of each other – hers across the globe in New York. I was buoyed by her strength, love and generosity and our Facetime calls helped my healing I’m sure.
Quite miraculously this tumour turned out to be benign. No evidence of disease. I was thrilled beyond words when a kind doctor popped by to give me the great news before the doctor’s round.
The best news ever.