The nearer tomorrow’s cystoscopy comes the more my ‘scanxiety’ increases.
It’s a no brainer, we all go through it.
However calm I may appear on the surface the circling “what if it’s back?” scenarios make chaos inside. Like a duck glides seemingly effortlessly along but underneath the feet are paddling vigorously.
It’s my 26th cystoscopy and although 20 have been all clear, it’s the not clear 6 that loom.
The mantra is: “Stay cancer free; get the next round of BCG treatment.” Repeating it helps quell those doomy “what if…?” thoughts. Looking forward to BCG despite the pain and discomfort it will bring overrides this cysto-stress at the gateway to the next treatment round.
Breathe in deeply. Breathe out fully. Repeat.
I do take my own advice and it does help. I’ve just reread the ‘scanxiety’ post and have more to add:
- Do yoga. Yoga brings you into the present. It calms the mind by bringing focus to the breath and the body. As the Yoga Sutra 1.2 says: ‘Yoga Chitta Vritti Nirodhah’. Yoga is stilling the fluctuations of the mind. This sutra is the heart of why we practice yoga.
- Be gentle with yourself. It’s a stressful time. Avoid adding to it with other stressful activities or appointments.
- Take a partner / friend or family member with you. You need to know someone who has your back is very nearby. I always know my husband is sitting outside the room and it helps inordinately. On the two occasions he couldn’t come my daughter was there, looking more worried even than me but completely in my corner.
- Treat yourself afterwards. It doesn’t have to be a big thing but celebrate your staying cancer free! Mark the occasion. And if the cards aren’t stacked in your favour remember “Everything happens for us not to us.” Byron Katie
I’ll keep you posted. Fingers crossed.
So yay no tumours but red patches again!
Bladdergraffiti 