Expect the best….

I’ve never dyed my hair blond, but I have dyed it purple. I was expecting an ultraviolet hue like on the packet but didn’t factor in my natural hair colour. The result was a dark aubergine and not what I was expecting at all. Nowadays my hair expectations are manageable- a series of “same again” cuts and some henna suffice. Health expectations on the other hand are another story entirely.

Posts on Bladder cancer forums often recommend an “expect the best but prepare for the worst” mindset. This means you focus on the best possible outcome but research and contemplate other scenarios. For me the best case would be if there was no tumour or that it’s benign again and the worst case would be grade 1 or 2 again and a change in treatment to BCG. Apparently, the grade even with recurrence isn’t likely to progress in fact with me it’s regressed with each recurrence.

This best and worst expectation /preparation sounds good in theory but I believe the tendency is to go too fast and far down the “ prepare for the worst” road leaving little headspace for the more important “ expect the best” part. I’m not saying deny the negative but be mindful to be realistic and not dwell on all the really worst-case scenarios there are out there. Be mindful too that our bodies are listening to what we think about and expect, they then release happy oxytocin hormones or stressful cortisol ones accordingly. I should have learned by now that predicting outcomes is a waste of time, I’ve been consistently wrong. In fact the only thing that is consistent is that it’s always different to what I imagined. I should stop trying and stop focusing on the future. The present is the only known. The present is healthy and happy and positive.  Operation on Tuesday 3 September.