“Love. Inside love that glows and beats with my heart and outside love that smiles, laughs and hugs.”
Glowing with inner-strength girl mural in Malaga – photo by howlzap Cologne

It was my fourth cancerversary on Monday. As my partner said not really something to celebrate, but certainly something to acknowledge. It’s been a whole year since I started “bladder- blogging” to let my reflections “hold space”. Recently, I’ve been wondering about inner strength.

Where does it come from?

I’m sure no one even knows about it until it’s tested. The very testing of it means it steps up and flexes its muscles. I remember noticing it 4 years ago when I made those awful calls telling nearest and dearest the news. Being aware that they would take their lead from me, I would steer their reactions by my own attitude about the tumour. This goes deeper than “being positive “ it’s a conscious choice to;

  • be true to myself
  • be present
  • and take things into the light away from the darkness.

What obscures strength and inner light?

The dark thoughts and demons that are driven by fear and worry block out the light. My future worries generally pop like soap bubbles when I really stay present. Yoga and meditation are a daily reminder of the joy of staying present and slowly the lessons on the mat do seep into everyday life.

What replenishes that inner strength?

Love. Inside love that glows and beats with my heart and outside love that smiles, laughs and hugs. I spent last week filling up my inner strength-reserves with family and close everlasting friends. We friends hadn’t all been physically together for way, way too long – but the distance melted in a moment. Being present in real life recharged our spirits with love and happiness. Recounting our stories old and new reminded us that we’re capable of way more than we know. We’ve all had differently challenging times and have found the inner strength inside to come through and even shine a little brighter than ever.