Days spent recovering at home unfold slowly for me. Allowing my body to heal through sleep is always a main focus and I need time for yoga and meditation in the mornings. Both the yoga and the mediation are such a source of lightness and joy to me while riding this bladder cancer roller coaster. I’m sure daily yoga has been strengthening my pelvic floor and bladder as well as calming my anxious-monkey-mind. Without doing meditation I haven’t connected to my inner self and feel like I’ve left the house in winter without a coat; vulnerable and chilly.
Happily, for me my other half is retired and at home and endlessly supportive. Unhappily for him my recovery routine is totally out of sync with his daily one. I’m often ready for breakfast when he’s having lunch, but when we eat together and attempt an online crossword we can reconnect and resync.
Despite all the calming and renewing strategies, some days the cancer-demons get me without warning. The feel-sorry-for-myself ones, the why-me ones and the when-is-it-over? ones. My better half notices first, my face turns dark and my mood plummets. He asks if I’m cross or if he‘s done something to upset me only then do I notice something’s up and the dark cloud over my head. Luckily, they don’t visit me often nor stay long these cancer-demons. I’m grateful they don’t, I know others aren’t as fortunate. Actually, gratitude works as a cancer-demon antidote for me.
- I start listing the people and things I’m grateful for
- I think about my body and that it’s functioning well overall
- I smile and that starts to break the cancer-demon curse
- I meditate again
Happily, by the time I open my eyes afterwards the cancer-demons have moved on. If any cancer-demons pay you a visit, may they move on swiftly too.