“I could hear my heart singing with happiness like a robin.”
Robin outside Urban Nation Museum in Berlin photo by (c) howlzap Cologne.

I awoke this morning to my birdsong alarm; it broke my dream of a singing robin and it all felt very real. A good omen I decided on cystoscopy-check-up day. Finally, the day had dawned. It seemed like a long time coming because the anxiety had been higher than usual. Yesterday the stress had been getting steadily stronger as the day continued – all internal, all my own doing and all in my head. Something clicked at night though the balance shifted from stress to acceptance and calm.

Maybe my sleeping subconscious has a better handle on things than my waking consciousness.

The robin stayed with my thoughts as I showered, did some yoga and meditated. It was like an invisible spirit animal. It trilled and peeped and seemed to say relax everything’s going to be alright. You’ve got this.

We drove through the city to the Urologist, quietly confident but too superstitious to say anything aloud. It is a beautiful sunny day full of spring blossom and wisteria: blossom looking magical against a blue sky.

The doctor was sunny too and as hopeful as me for a good outcome as we peered at the inside of my bladder. It looks pretty scarred it’s been through a lot, but there’s nothing new growing there that shouldn’t be. No evidence of disease. NED!!! A huge relief all round.

The doctor said to the nurse he could literally hear the heavy stone dropping to the ground off my shoulders.

I could hear my heart singing like a robin with happiness.

Anyone who’s had a check up like this will know what an utter, utter relief it is to hear that everything is all clear everything is all right.

You are as healthy as you feel and at that moment nothing else matters.